Manson “Just Not Diabolical Enough” For Dita Von Teese

Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese, leaving The Church of Infernal Abysss, on their wedding day.

After nearly 14 months of marriage, burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese has filed for divorce from her husband, Marilyn Manson; however, when asked exactly why she decided to split from the glam-goth rockstar, Von Teese admitted that it was “a total mystery” to her.

Outside of the Hellfire and Bagelstone cafe in downtown Los Angeles, Dita told reporters that “At first, I was convinced we had irreconciliable differences, then remembered how much we had in common: all-night bloodlettings, Dionysian orgies, sapphic twister competitions.

And it wasn’t mental illness, either, because Marilyn isn’t crazy, but his critics are. Just listen to his music, and then look at Joe Lieberman.

I can’t fault him for adultery…unless you count that weekend with the llama. Or his seduction of Hitler’s teenage granddaughter. But we all stray sometimes, right?

Cruelty was never an issue. He locked me and David Blaine in a transparent ice locker once, then suspended us above the audience at one of his concerts, throwing dead bats at us…but he did let us free during the set break.

There are very few flaws in Marilyn–if anything, that’s what forced us to break up. He’s just not diabolical enough for me. He’s mellowed out so much. On Halloween, we were supposed to go douse an orphanage with napalm, chanting Satanic mantras and waving mandrake roots over our heads, but he said he had ‘moral qualms,” insisting he would do it–but only on stage. I wanted the real thing. When we entered into unholy matrimony together, that was part of the agreement.”