Montel Taken Hostage in Pharmaceutical Bus-Jacking

22 02 2007

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Last Sunday, daily talk-show host Montel Williams was taken hostage in a historic pharmaceutical bus-jacking–the first of its kind–in Missoula, Montana. Since that time, citizens across the United States have recorded strange sitings of the bus, a distinct bright-orange and white vehicle with the words “Drugs Is Here” emblazoned across its chassis.

Over the past year, Williams has served as the official spokesman for Partnership for Prescription Assistance (PPA), a non-profit organization that seeks to extend the benefits of pharmaceuticals to all Americans. Such benefits have been enormously profitable for this organization. In the first month alone, PPA has managed a sweeping national tour for Mr. Williams, providing him with a tour bus, a private jet, a yacht, and free accommodations at various Native American casinos.

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Have you seen this bus? Or your doctor about the latest pharmaceuticals?

Williams has been a staunch advocate for the legalization of cannabis for medical use; ironically, his stop in Missoula coincided with the city’s annual Marijuanathon. Moments after pulling into the local Greyhound terminal, a small crowd of sluggish, bleary-eyed commuters surrounded the bus, then hopped aboard, demanding that the driver take them “as far away from this godforsaken town as humanly possible.” Montel, at the time, was rumored to be somewhere near the back row, behind a thick veil of herbal smoke where pumping reggae music could be heard.

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In the past year, PPA’s charitable events have become increasingly bizarre; authorities attribute last month’s Autumn Iditarod to a combination of Pazil and Xanex.

Authorities have still not been able to isolate the exact location of the PPA bus; it seems to follow no set itinerary or sense of direction. However, they have discovered that, for reasons as yet unknown, the bus has veered off-road many times…and made regular pit stops at fast food restaurants.

 


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3 responses

22 02 2007
Link Digger

BAD GRAMMAR, DUDE

“…the United States have recorded strange citings of the bus.”

Use ‘sightings’ instead of ‘citings’ please.

22 02 2007
gspence1173

nope: “citizens” is the plural subject of the sentence–not “United States” (that’s just the object of the preposition). Not to sound like a grammar-Nazi here.

25 02 2007
Clia Toris

Who gives a shit – it’s funny!

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