WASHINGTON: Despite mounting concerns over our nation’s current economic crises (in crumbling housing markets, sky-rocketing gas prices, and rising penalties on nocturnal emissions), the President put his cabinet at ease this afternoon by offering a “bona-fide gare-ahn-tee” that he would remunerate the 1/2 trillion dollars owed by his current administration.
“Look here,” he said, “I know we’ve racked up a pretty penny here, but I have taken measures to pay back every yen–ahem–dollar. Now a standard, government-issued I.O.U. just ain’t going to cut it, so we’ve added a few extra O’s. Why? Because I owe you so big that I oooooooooooowe you.”
At this point, Ed McMahon (of Publisher’s Clearing House) appeared with his latest wife, Yvette, and a giant-sized check.
Yvette may or may not be pictured here (depending on the reliability of Ed’s memory)
“Yes!” Ed laughed, handing the check off to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulsen, “You, sir, are correct!”
Standing in front of the cameras, Paulsen held up the first-ever, government-issued