SUN VALEY, ID. Yesterday, an idyllic family ski trip took a tragic turn when Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg after jumping off the roof of the Sonny Bono Happy Trails Private Resort. Schwarzenegger had allegedly been sitting around a fireplace with his wife and children, sharing Austrian nursery rhymes, when a squad of security officers appeared. Mistaking them for special forces operatives, the Governor immediately rushed up six flights of stairs and emerged on the roof. With a hunting rifle, he managed to ‘kneecap’ six of the seven officers then leapt off the building and landed on the seventh.
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The Governor was rushed, by helicopter, to Cryo-Labs, Inc. in Sunnydale, California–a corporation with close ties to Google’s future markets. There, under a thick veil of secrecy, doctors repaired Schwarzenegger’s leg and, after several minor adjustments, returned him to the state capitol.