WASHINGTON: After continued demands from both Democrats and Republicans to make significant changes in governmental office-holders, the President broke under pressure and put his entire administration on the line. “We needed to shuffle things around,” Bush said, “when you’re playing with a full deck, sometimes you need to trade half with the other guy and cash in the other half right-quick.”
But a local reporter in Crawford, TX., who recently covered a three-day hunting trip/poker match/religious retreat there, claims that the President meant these words literally, betting his entire administration against his father, Herbert Walker Bush, in only two hands of Texas Hold-em.
W. is rumored to have cheated his father with a pair of Jacks (John Negroponte and John Roberts), the last of whom was not even eligible for the trade due to his status as a Supreme Court Justice. When H.W. called his son on this, W. challenged him with Andrew Card, then paused (momentarily unsure who held him during this term) then, rashly, countered with his entire administration.
Dick Cheney (who W. won as King of Hearts from his father in a 2000 match) was quickly demoted to Defense Secretary and replaced with Dan Quayle; James Baker traded with Condoleeza Rice, and so on.
As for the incumbent members of W’s administration, most were transferred to lower-ranking positions within the government (Secretary of the Interior, Postmaster General) although several were offered positions as talk-show hosts on late-night public-access television.