SYDNEY, AUSTRAILIA, Jan.15: One of the most stunning cosmic events since time immemorial, Comet McNaught, was initially scheduled to streak across the sky in the Southern hemisphere this evening…until network producers realized that its appearance would conflict with the 64th Annual Golden Globes Awards ceremony.
Rumored to be “the brightest comet in recorded history,” McNaught still can not compete with the dazzling presence of Hollywood stars during regular prime-time hours (8-11 p.m.) and will need to re-schedule itself for a later date. Despite McNaught’s impressive, once-in-a-millenia contact with our solar system, the comet simply could not break through to human awareness on a much more massive, internationally televised scale.
Respected astronomers, astro-physicists, and theologians have made every attempt to convince NBC network executives that McNaught is “a scientific marvel on par with the creation of the universe,” and “an event so phenomenal that it will redefine the very fabric of what we call ‘reality.'” Nostradamus even listed the comet in his top ten favorite apocalyptic prophecies. In recent weeks, thousands of psychics, shamans, and mystics have expressed a shared conviction that the end of the world may be more nigh than it has ever been.
“In the eighth consecutive cycle of eight years of the Golden Globe, from the sky there comes a great leprous beast with a tail like that of Mars–yet longer and more frightening.”--Nostradamus
“This is going to be, like, the biggest event ever. I’m so afraid of public speaking. My mom says that’s crazy. What do you think? Even though I know I’m not supposed to, I already bought Cate Blanchett a dozen pink roses because she was, like, so amazing in that movie she was nominated for? I totally hope she wins.”
–-Jennifer Love Hewitt, Presenter at 64th Annual Golden Globes