Scientists Discover Missing Link Between Smoking and Death: The Brain

27 01 2007

Scientists have recently discovered that the link between cigarette addiction and death might be closer to home than they think: the human brain, source of all cognition, abstract thought, and so forth. It is here, they claim, that one can trace both the cause and the consequences of this fatal, yet devastatingly glamorous, habit.


Located deep inside the gray matter of the human brain, the insula has been identified as the source of addictive tendencies for tobacco, alcohol, and firearms. Typically, these tendencies have been regulated–and encouraged–by lobbyists in Washington; but recently, researchers have found that the human brain, when impaired by a serious stroke, might actually remove the first third of these cravings.

Cigarette companies, which have relied on multi-million-dollar advertising campaigns to diminish the brain activity of potential-and committed-smokers, never accounted for The Stroke–which, single-handedly, has wiped out cerebral functioning–a pre-requisite for all activities associated with smoking (lighting up, puffing, post-coital relaxation…)

James McNeil, head of Public Relations at Philip Morris, admires the power of this crippling medical condition: “it takes only five seconds for the image of Joe Camel’s penis-shaped head to win the hearts and minds of every consumer in America. The Stroke relies on no ad campaign, and only requires a split-second–then BAM!–no more cigarette envy.”




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