DALLAS, TX. Only a sparse copse of trees and a case of eminent domain prevent the construction of the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum…which will soon be erected on the main campus of Southern Methodist University.
The library will primarily hold memorabilia from the President’s early political career as Governor of Texas and hunting equiptment from his ranch in Crawford. Presidential scholars, however, have had great difficulty discerning between the former and the latter.
Even more striking is the recent announcement of a Reading Room, which will include written materials: illustrated children’s books, Hooked-on-Phonics, primers in patriotism, and de-classified letters. The Board of Trustees has graciously allowed the public to take a sneak preview of several of the main attactions:
A must-have classic, now updated, revised, and shorn of all liberalism.
This rare print from Fox pundit Sean Hannity includes an electronic device that beeps every time Hannity elicits a knee-jerk response from the reader.
Reading is tiresome, especially when it involves critical thought. Thank God for Bible Player 7.0, which reads for you. A strong paternal voice will guide you through select passages, letting you relax and let go of wanton acts of interpretation.
This de-classified letter attests to the President’s commitment to XXXXX, encouraging parents to XXXXXX their children the values of XXXX, XXXX, and XXXX.
Now up for bidding in Doubletake’s Auction House.