After months of silence, Muqtada al-Sadr, a Shia cleric (who has been linked to Al Qaida, Hezbollah, Hamas, and Iran’s covert culinary militia) finally released a public statement regarding the future of terrorism in Iraq. Al-Sadr, the former host of Al-Jazeera’s “Cooking on the Run,” has earned such a large following over the years that he is often compared to Emeril and The Ayatollah.
Yesterday, Al-Sadr spoke with French food critics from Le Monde, assuring them that he would “cook up a recipe so spicy that it would blow them away.” A lengthy disagreement about gourmet dishes ensued, friendly enough until one of the critics, Piere LeBrule, questioned Al-Sadr’s kitchen etiquette: a fatal mistake. Piere’s body was found this afternoon, smoldering outside of Baghdad in a large pit of creme brule.
The other two critics were subsequently detained by the CIA operatives, who interrogated them for hours about a possible link between Al-Sadr, Saddam Hussein, and a “Nigerian yellowcake” that had allegedly been cooked up by secret agents in the field. When the Frenchmen pointed out that no such recipe existed–nor ever had existed–the CIA insisted that it did, then denied the half-baked allegations, then attributed the allegations to the French people, then denied having made such allegations.