Peter Pan Suspect Taken into Custody After 3-Day Salmonella Stand-off

17 02 2007


DES MOINES, IA.: After a 3-day stand-off with police, Stanley Brittle (a.k.a. “Peter Pan”) finally surrendered. Since early Tuesday morning, Brittle had held himself hostage in a local supermarket, securing all exits and windows…then cramming his surprisingly limber body in between two shelves in Aisle 9. There, he proceeded to contaminate every surface he came in contact with, spreading a rare form of salmonella with his tongue. When members of the Des Moines Sheriff’s Department contacted him via cell phone, they insisted that he give in immediately; Brittle, however, responded with his own infectious demands: an elaborate, four-page “Panifesto” written in sparkling green ink. Eventually, counselers were able to lure Stanley out of the aisle and into custody with promises of “faith and trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.”

Power to the Pete-Pan!


Interview with “Peter and The Wolf” star now posted under “Meet A Neo-Con”




2 responses

18 02 2007

You are not well, my friend. Jenn’s on the floor crying right now.

18 02 2007

sorry–that dang salmonella makes me a little loopy.

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