Romney Promises New Wing To House First Ladies

25 02 2007

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Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, flanked by one of dozens of aspiring First Ladies.

SALT LAKE CITY: Mitt Romney has been dogged by reporters and media pundits, all of whom excoriate the 2008 Presidential candidate for his checkered polygamous past. In order to dispel these rumors, Romney delivered a press conference on the steps of the Salt Lake City courthouse. Flanked by half a dozen wives on his left and half a dozen on his right, Romney defended himself against charges of immoral conduct:”I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Romney said, cocking his thumb over his shoulder, “at least not outside of wedlock. Or that woman…or that one…or that one, either.”

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Having lost track of the names of his various wives, Romney has recently started to number them.

When pressured to respond to how he intended to become elected to the White House with multiple first ladies, Romney replied graciously, “I will built a new First Ladies Wing, and provide all spouses with room and board, three square meals a day, and the occasional conjugal visit.”

Romney has made great strides with the Christian Coalition, building common ground with leaders like Pat Robertson and Ralph Reed. “We all agree that when it comes to divorce, our nation has reached a point of critical mass. Which is why banning divorce altogether and promoting abstinence in its place is the best solution…and, barring that, endorsing multiple unions in patriarchal families is the second best solution.”

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