Children Left Behind In Kindergarten Rapture

24 03 2007

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Parents, school-teachers, and local administrators were shocked to discover that, after Monday’s early morning Rapture (TM), none of the schoolchildren from First Woodway Christian School in Crawford, Texas had been swept away by the merciful hand of the Almighty.

The Rapture (TM), which had been slated for a prompt execution at 9:30 A.M., never appeared for its scheduled time. Many of the parents felt “miffed” and “pee-o’ed” by the disappointing absence of apocalyptic doom in their midst, especially at the very moment when they sought to pick up their own children from kindergarten…only to find that they were still among the living and sinful.

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Denise McCallahan, proud parent of two Honor Students, Rapture Hopefuls.

Many of these parents began to accuse one another of heresy, although the terms in which they phrased these charges were epithetical. Indeed, some of the terms they used, such as “bitch-a** demon” and “Lucifer-sputum-sucker” were so emphatic that they could not be found in any biblical reference.