Starbucks Unveils Cure to Constipation

10 06 2007

Health experts have recently discovered that dark, thick coffee provides relief from gout, liver cancer, and tuberculosis–three of the most deadly diseases of the late 19th century. Capitalizing on these health benefits, Starbucks has now unveiled “The Procto-cino,” a concoction so potent in fiber that it cures constipation within 30 minutes or less.

Starbucks’ Procto-cino provides not one, not two, but THREE scoops o’ colon-cleansin’ beans in every cup.




2 responses

10 06 2007


11 06 2007

I am glad you actually mentioned this, as I have been following this new phenomenon. Starbucks is launching this whole new line of “bathroom friendly” lattes, if you will. Not only will they have the procto-cino, but they will also be introducing a more flavourful line as well. For example, the “Green Apple Splatters” blend will combine old world orchard charm with a modern-day aroma that no one can refuse. Also, on the list of up and coming, er…or going, rather, flavours is the “Brown Baby Boy” blend. The BBB will have a choco-nutty aftertaste with just a hint of cinnamon. This blend is sure to have you in the bathroom within 5 minutes and you will swear that you just gave birth to a “Brown Baby Boy”.

Kudos to Starbucks for having the balls to give people what they REALLY want. A bowel-movement to remember.

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