Cheney Insists “I Did Not Order the Code Red”

25 06 2007


Vice President Dick Cheney and Sen. Henry Waxman (CA.) have recently become enmeshed in a classified oversight battle so fierce that it can only be executed–then shredded–on paper.

Although no records could be recovered from the Office of ______ _______ National ________, one of our reporters managed to retrieve the following, Oscar-worthy performance:

WAXMAN: I question both the legality and wisdom of your actions.

CHENEY (scoffs): You question?

WAXMAN: Yes, sir-I’m entitled to my q–

CHENEY: I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!

WAXMAN: I wasn’t suggesting that you tucked me in, sir.

CHENEY: We use words like terrorfreedomW. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. That’s right: something. You use ’em as a punchline.

WAXMAN: Well, with all due respect…your decision to exempt your office from the president’s order is problematic because it could place national security at risk.

CHENEY: Security? The truth is, in some little secure place you don’t like to admit, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

WAXMAN: Wall? Who said anything about a wall?

CHENEY: Exactly.

WAXMAN: Excuse me?

CHENEY: No wall. No code red, either. Never ordered one. Classified by the Office of _ _ N_.

WAXMAN: Did you just censor an acronym?

CHENEY: I did the job you sent me to do.

WAXMAN: Did you order the code red?

CHENEY: You’re g_ _ dam right I did!








One response

25 06 2007

ROFL! Very good! Except limp dick cheney don’t look anything like Jack Nicholson and Henry Waxman looks nothing like Tom Cruise!

Hey, wait a sec, is Waxman a scientologist?


The scientifically impossible I do right away
The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

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