Vice President Dick Cheney and Sen. Henry Waxman (CA.) have recently become enmeshed in a classified oversight battle so fierce that it can only be executed–then shredded–on paper.
Although no records could be recovered from the Office of ______ _______ National ________, one of our reporters managed to retrieve the following, Oscar-worthy performance:
WAXMAN: I question both the legality and wisdom of your actions.
CHENEY (scoffs): You question?
WAXMAN: Yes, sir-I’m entitled to my q–
CHENEY: I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!
WAXMAN: I wasn’t suggesting that you tucked me in, sir.
CHENEY: We use words like terror…freedom…W. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. That’s right: something. You use ’em as a punchline.
WAXMAN: Well, with all due respect…your decision to exempt your office from the president’s order is problematic because it could place national security at risk.
CHENEY: Security? The truth is, in some little secure place you don’t like to admit, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
WAXMAN: Wall? Who said anything about a wall?
WAXMAN: Excuse me?
CHENEY: No wall. No code red, either. Never ordered one. Classified by the Office of _ _ N_.
WAXMAN: Did you just censor an acronym?
CHENEY: I did the job you sent me to do.
WAXMAN: Did you order the code red?
CHENEY: You’re g_ _ dam right I did!