After nearly fifty years of serving as NASA’s official mascot, “Keggy the Keg” has been fired by the organization that claims to have launched sober human beings into space. Citing “irreconcilable differences,” the adored icon of impressionable children everywhere left Cape Canaveral on Thursday “in search of a real party.”
Later that night, security guards at Disney World discovered Keggy smoking what appeared to be a “tobacco cigarette,” a once-popular form of contraband. Disney denies ever having sold, promoted–or filmed the mascot smoking–the product, which would violate its strict, zero-tolerance policy for all employees.
Lindsay Lohan was unavailable for comment.