PARIS: Sept. 5-The French police have arrested three mimes suspected of organizing large-scale terrorist attacks against several outdoor cafes frequented by American tourists. Those arrested were allegedly in the process of plotting bomb attacks using a series of elaborate hand gestures, sly bodily contortions, and suggestive facial expressions.
“They were directly involved in planning out a full-scale attack,” French federal prosecutor Etienne Legrand-Douche claimed at a news conference. “For six months, we tracked them down, from one secret terrorist cell to another.” Legrand-Douche admits that the suspects were especially adept at eluding authorities by “walking against the wind” and hiding in a series of imaginary enclosed boxes.
A Mime, linked to Al Queda, plots revenge on our God-given freedoms
Eventually, however, they trailed the mimes to an invisible safe house at the Place de la Montmartre—an ideal hiding spot for bohemian performance artists. It was there that the French police discovered a troupe of mimes gesticulating in a manner “consistent with a cauldron filled with toxic chemicals.”
“Had the mimes continued to gesticulate,” Legrand-Douche asserts, “there is no telling how terrible this attack might have been.”