Roger Clemens Denies Injecting Steroids into Turkey

24 12 2007


According to the Mitchell-Purdue Report, former trainer Brian McNamee claimed he showed Roger Clemens how to inject performance enhancing drugs into a Toronto Blue Jay in 1998, swelling the Canadian fowl some twenty times larger, into a plump–yet succulent–gobbler.


This is Terry (left). This is Terry on drugs (right). Any questions?

“I did not provide Brian McNamee with any drugs to inject into that bird’s body,” Clemens said, in a recent online video. “Brian McNamee did not teach me the occult practice of injecting steroids or human growth hormones into any major league feathered mascot…including orioles.” Clemens stalled at this point, obviously moved. “He did once, however, hold a funnel over my mouth and pour a fifth of Jagermeister into me—but that was off-season.”

Clemens has endured intense media coverage—often at profound personal expense:
“Over the last 15 days or so, it’s been extremely difficult for my family, my children, my extended family,” Clemens said. “I can’t even walk into a Walmart without wearing an orange vest, only to hear the mocking call of a turkey whistle behind the hunting counter. I leave the store only to find that vandals had tarred and feathered my Range Rover, writing butterball across the windshield.”

After seeking every means of help available for Terry (the Toronto Blue Jay), including rehab, Clemens is now seeking a Presidential Pardon for the bird…on Thanksgiving Day, 2008.





7 responses

25 12 2007

Happy Christmas and a blessed new year doubletake!

25 12 2007
Vida Blue

Dumber than a sack of brinks, steroid users

Curt Schilling
Roger Clemens
Nolan Ryan
Cal Ripkin
David Ortiz
Frank Thomas
Manny Ramirez
Josh Hancock
Steve Howe
Orlando Cepeda
Vide Blue
Don Drysdale
Pete Rose

25 12 2007

…and let’s add two more to that list: Lou Ferrigno, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

27 12 2007
Vida Blue

Lance Pharmstrong (cow blood, hGH, EPO and steroids)
Flyoid Roid Landis (all of the same drugs with human blood)
Tyler Liar Hamilton (post menopause hormones + above drugs)

10 09 2009

Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

24 08 2010
celebrity fuck you

Sign: zdbrw Hello!!! bydvb and 1264dqzyscpydn and 2968 : I love your site. 🙂 Love design!!! I just came across your blog and wanted to say that Ive really enjoyed browsing your blog posts.

15 09 2011

Is really exciting, You are an excessively professional blogger. I’ve signed up with your feed and turn into up for on the lookout for even more of your terrific post. Also, I have shared your site within my web sites!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: