According to the Mitchell-Purdue Report, former trainer Brian McNamee claimed he showed Roger Clemens how to inject performance enhancing drugs into a Toronto Blue Jay in 1998, swelling the Canadian fowl some twenty times larger, into a plump–yet succulent–gobbler.
This is Terry (left). This is Terry on drugs (right). Any questions?
“I did not provide Brian McNamee with any drugs to inject into that bird’s body,” Clemens said, in a recent online video. “Brian McNamee did not teach me the occult practice of injecting steroids or human growth hormones into any major league feathered mascot…including orioles.” Clemens stalled at this point, obviously moved. “He did once, however, hold a funnel over my mouth and pour a fifth of Jagermeister into me—but that was off-season.”
Clemens has endured intense media coverage—often at profound personal expense:
“Over the last 15 days or so, it’s been extremely difficult for my family, my children, my extended family,” Clemens said. “I can’t even walk into a Walmart without wearing an orange vest, only to hear the mocking call of a turkey whistle behind the hunting counter. I leave the store only to find that vandals had tarred and feathered my Range Rover, writing butterball across the windshield.”
After seeking every means of help available for Terry (the Toronto Blue Jay), including rehab, Clemens is now seeking a Presidential Pardon for the bird…on Thanksgiving Day, 2008.