Ben Franklin’s Daily Itinerary: May 16, 1786
This is an authentic entry from Ben Franklin’s Daily Itinerary, dated May 16, 1786–approximately two years before his death. I’ve tried to sell it at Christie’s and Southeby’s, but they insisted on my providing the entire Itinerary–all at once–instead of one day at a time, the way our Founding Father would have wanted. The handwriting is unmistakably Mr. Franklin’s, as are the colorful events that our senior statesman had planned for the day.
Opening bid: $3,500.00
Gertrude Stein, pioneer of the modernist movement, amassed an impressive reputation as an autobiographer, poet…and drinker. She was known to quaff heavily from this Perkeo stein, one of two family heirlooms passed down to her from her father, Daniel, whose heavy drinking and socializing in Munich beer gardens were later recast in Gertrude’s own Parisian salon in the early 20th century (The second stein was dropped by Alex B. Toklas during an “Hour of Power” competition).
A kind in glass and a cousin stein, a spectacle and nothing strange a single hurt color and an arrangement in a system to pointing. Cousin stein’s lowenbrau furls in consternation; she quickens at the touch of my lips. All this and not ordinary, not unordered in not resembling. The difference is spreading
–from Tender Buttons
Pablo Picasso’s famous painting of Ms. Stein, after drinking half a mug of absinthe with Ernest Hemingway (and several pixies).
Opening bid: $8,300.00
Angelina Jolie’s Blistex
No ordinary slab of supple pink wax…
And you’ll wax, too–with excitement, that is–when you use Angelina Jolie’s discarded Blistex, sharing the very same medicated ointment that once graced the most sumptuous, scorching-hot lips on earth.
Opening Bid: $218.00
Unabomber’s Last Unopened Letter
Rejected by the very man who single-handedly popularized the look for late-night Central Park stalkers (see stamp, below), this letter is now up for grabs. Hurry, though: the clock is ticking…
Opening bid: $2,250.00
(Doubletake is not liable for any injuries incurred by the direct contact with this letter)
De-classified Letter From the President:
Presidential scholars have identified this to be an actual letter that George W. Bush wrote at some point in office. The signature and grammatical errors are unmistakable theirs. Originally dedicated to the Presidential Library in Dallas, the Board of Trustees rejected it for containing too many words.
Opening Bid: $5.50