Wrist Strain Mysteriously Increases Among Male Population

6 07 2007

Reported incidents of Profound Wrist Strain (PWS) have sky-rocketed in the last six months. Public health officials have yet to determine the exact cause for this phenomenon but have ruled out self-fondling: a primitive practice resulting in blindness, irritability, and death.

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Local Man Shot Dead in Freak Nintendo Accident

25 11 2006

MILWAUKEE, WS.: After a four-hour stand-down in Winnequequeg Mall, host of an annual game competition/fundraiser for victims of A.D.D., police officers shot and killed Delmore Grieux, a 19-year old college student who refused to comply with demands to “step away from the console.” An avid fan of Ninetendo Wii, a new gaming system which responds to bodily movements, including arm jolts, shoulder twitches, and facial tics, Delmore ignored repeated requests to “drop the Wii.” When he virtually taunted a bystander with the joystick, several officers opened fire, riddling his body with bullets. The bystander remained transfixed in front of a television screen, marvelling at how “life-like” his writhing seemed.