Obama Appoints Czar Czar

12 06 2009

In the past several months, President Obama has appointed a wide array of bureaucratic chiefs–or, “czars”–to reform various parts of our struggling economy and crumbling administrative infrastructure. The appointments include a drug czar, a web czar, a car czar, a health czar, a bar czar, and a spa czar. Last week, Obama inaugurated an annual Czar-Bazaar to address members of his czardom. Surrounded by some 110 czars, however, the President became so overwhelmed that he forgot several of their names, confusing the Yar Czar (for peglegged sailors) with the Babar Czar (for threatening elephants).

meeting czar1

To simplify matters, Obama decided to appoint a new leader to regulate the booming czar industry. “Too many czars are out of work,” he told listeners during his weekly radio address, “and those czars deserve new jobs, benefits, and cozy sinecures. But without a leader–a czar czar–then how can these czars succeed? How they compete in a czar-eat-czar economy?”

czar czar ivan

The new Czar Czar, Ivan, anxiously awaits his appointment. In  anticipation, he devoured several interns and a page.

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Rod Blagojevich Offers To Sell Bleeping Governor’s Seat

12 12 2008

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Responding to recent allegations that he offered to sell President-elect Barack Obama’s empty Senate seat to the highest bidder, Blagojevich responded by upping the ante and offered to throw in his own soon-to-be-vacated Governor’s Seat. No one, however, has stepped forward yet to make him an offer.

“It’s a bleeping valuable thing! You just don’t give it away for nothing…you gotta pay to play. It’s bleeping mahogany.”





Sarah Palin: The Next Phase in the Party’s Evolution

1 09 2008

Fearing the demise of her own species, Sarah Palin (seen here on a baby-seal-clubbing expedition) opposes evolutionism.

She has swept simian beauty pageants. Hitchhiked without using a (pre-hensile) thumb. Coupled with her life-long (running) mate in the Alaska wildlife refuge. And her banana peeling skills are said to be legendary.

She is Sarah Palin, the presumptive Republican vice presidential candidate for the 2008 Election.

She is a beauty contest winner, an expert sharpshooter, an obedient wife, and a proud mother. Every Sunday at her Pentecostal church, she can be found thumping her chest and swinging from the rafters, railing against the evils of evolution…for obvious reasons. Many members of her Alaskan cabinet of Intelligent Design have supported her views, though they lack the ability to hear, see, or speak about the complexities of the real world outside of their insulated habitat:

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil…

However, one survivor has seen, first-hand, the negative, global impact of this governor’s environmental policies…