C.E.O. Ponders Global Domination, Strokes Hairless Cat

18 06 2008

Blankfein, at the helm of Goldman-Sachs, has recently made a number of inappropriate comments, including…

1. Accused chestnuts “of being lazy.”

2. Called another bank president, who happened to be Muslim, “Mustapha,” then burned him alive, then shot him twice.

3. Hired a small, onanistic replica of himself to “stroke hairless cat.”

4. Denied comment as euphemism in #3.

5. After hearing about a fellow investment bank’s collapse, proclaimed: “Dance now, Little Bear (Stearns)! Dance now!”

6. Recommended placing alternative energy executives in a “burlap sack” to be “whipped.” Pretty standard.

7. Demanded a profit of “2.09 beeelion dollars” from the Federal Reserve Board.

8. Denied connections to Adolf Hitler.

9. Denied connections to Robert Zoellick (former C.E.O., Goldman Sacks, current President of The World Bank).

10. Affirmed likeness between Hitler and Zoellick (below):




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